Setting boundaries can be hard. Some people don’t respect boundaries and see them as a form of disrespect as opposed to an act of love. However, it’s necessary to set them, considering the quality of your relationships can positively or negatively affect your health.
Boundaries are different for different people—especially if you were taught that being nice was more important than being happy. If you were taught to prioritize everyone’s else’s happiness, you grew up thinking, that to be a good and virtuous person, you have to put everyone else first and forgo your needs. The end result will always be that of imploding all of the time and not being honest about what you require to have peace.
I am not writing this from a place of mastery because I’m still learning how to set boundaries. SometimesI’m great at it and other times, I fail. I too, am a work in progress.
When I look at the times I fail at setting boundaries, it’s usually for the same reason: fear that my boundarieswill make the other person uncomfortable or damage our relationship. However, the more I learn about healthy relationships, the more I understand that rocking the boat and conflict is normal. While compromise is necessary in every relationship, compromising too much of yourself can leave you with feelings of self-betrayal. In my experience, people-pleasing and self-love can rarely co-exist. That’s why boundaries are essential.
A few key takeaways I’ve learned with time that may help you include the following:
§ If you find yourself constantly offended or complaining about something someone does to you, it may betime for a boundary
§ Listen to your gut. If someone is about to cross a boundary, you typically feel it. That’s a good time toreinforce that boundary
§ Boundaries without consequences are counter-productive. The consequence is up to you
§ Maintaining relationships with others isn’t more important than maintaining a healthy relationship withyourself
§ You’re never going to be perfect at setting boundaries because you’re unlearning years of not havingany. Show yourself grace
§ Feeling guilt after setting a boundary is ok. Just remind yourself the boundary you set isn’t to hurt theother person, but to show love to yourself
There are many opinions that boundaries mean cutting people off at the first sign of any offense. If you takethat route, you may end up without any relationship, because nobody is perfect. That said, boundaries don’thave to be harsh. They can be loving.
Sometimes, you have to give people time and space to adjust to your boundaries because nobodychanges instantly. However, if you repeatedly set a boundary with someone and they still don’t respect it,cutting contact may be the solution that brings you peace.
Remember, in today’s world of uncertainty, being happy from within should be one of our top priorities. Lifeis too short for regrets!
